Joke
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun.
She said, 'Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.'
She said, 'Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.'
I bought a dog the other day. . . . I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. . . .
'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!'
He went insane.
Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.
'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!'
He went insane.
Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas.
I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it,
but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it,
but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out.
The weatherman said, 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.'
I said, 'Oops . . . '
The weatherman said, 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.'
I said, 'Oops . . . '
My dental hygienist is cute.
Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery.
When I got there, the guy was locking the front door.
I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours'
He said, 'Yes, but not in a row'
When I got there, the guy was locking the front door.
I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours'
He said, 'Yes, but not in a row'
Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair,
and you go so far that you almost fall over backwards,
but at the last instant you catch yourself?
That's how I feel all the time.
and you go so far that you almost fall over backwards,
but at the last instant you catch yourself?
That's how I feel all the time.
I bought a ticket on Airline Bizarre . . .
a one-way round-trip ticket. . . .
You leave any Monday and they bring you back the previous Friday. . . .
that way, you still have the weekend.
a one-way round-trip ticket. . . .
You leave any Monday and they bring you back the previous Friday. . . .
that way, you still have the weekend.
I got up one morning, couldn't find my socks,
so I called Information.
She said, 'Hello, Information.'
I said, 'I can't find my socks.'
She said, 'They're behind the couch.'
And they were!
so I called Information.
She said, 'Hello, Information.'
I said, 'I can't find my socks.'
She said, 'They're behind the couch.'
And they were!
Today, I dialed a wrong number.
The other side said, 'Hello?'
and I said, 'Hello, could I speak to Joey?'
They said, 'Uh, I don't think so . . . He's only two months old.'
I said, 'I'll wait'
The other side said, 'Hello?'
and I said, 'Hello, could I speak to Joey?'
They said, 'Uh, I don't think so . . . He's only two months old.'
I said, 'I'll wait'
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