Joke
Quotes
<< Prev Next >>
Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish.
My dreams were broadcast all over the world.
My dreams were broadcast all over the world.
I was arrested today for scalping low numbers at the deli. . . .
Sold number 3 for 28 bucks.
Sold number 3 for 28 bucks.
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone.
When I came back the entire area was missing.
When I came back the entire area was missing.
How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees?
And who has been diss-ing them anyhow?
And who has been diss-ing them anyhow?
I went to a fancy French restaurant called 'Deja Vu.'
The headwaiter said, 'Don't I know you?'
The headwaiter said, 'Don't I know you?'
I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be.
I called someone. They went 'Aaaaahhhh...'
I called someone. They went 'Aaaaahhhh...'
Why do they call it the Department of Interior
when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Why do banks charge you a 'non-sufficient funds fee' on money they already know you don't have?
My friend Winnie is a procrastinator.
He didn't get his birth mark 'til he was eight years old.
He didn't get his birth mark 'til he was eight years old.
I put a new engine in my car, but I forgot to take the old one out. . . .
Now I can go 300 mph.
Now I can go 300 mph.
Search
On Anger: "For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind."
Essays
Essays
On Destiny: "Our destiny exercises its influence over us even when, as yet, we have not learned its nature: it is our future that lays down the law of our today."
Human, All Too Human
Human, All Too Human
On Friendship: "A crowd is not company; and faces are but a gallery of pictures; and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love."
Essays
Essays