We do not feel any lively and lasting pleasure in conversation, except in so far as we are allowed to talk about ourselves, and of the things which occupy us, or which relate to us in some way. Any other talk soon starts to bore us, and whatever pleases us is deadly boring to the listener. No one is regarded as amiable except at the price of suffering, because in conversation only he is amiable who gratifies others amour propre, first by listening a lot and staying silent a lot, something which is usually very tedious, then by letting others talk about themselves and their own affairs for as long as they wish, in fact encouraging them in such dissertations, and by himself talking about such things. The result is that they go away very pleased with themselves, and he goes away dreadfully bored by them. Because, in short, if the best companions are those from whom we go away more pleased with ourselves, it more or less follows that they are those whom we leave more bored. The conclusion must be that in conversations and in any discussion where the intention is only to amuse ourselves by talking, almost inevitably some people's pleasure is other people's boredom, and one can hope for nothing but to be either bored or or to displease, and one is very fortunate if one is able to have equal experience of both.

Giacomo Leopardi, in 'Thoughts'

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